So Boris has told you to isolate yourself. Your fridge is stocked up and you are working from home. And who can blame you? And because they haven’t got anything to do, a Cardiff City player is isolating with you too. Extra security, or something. You might ask which one. Well, it’s a random pick and you have to get what you’re given. So here are the options and what they bring to the isolation table.
You wouldn’t even know he was there for most of it. Dependable and safe, he’d pop his head round every half an hour or so to offer you a cuppa and has planned out your dinner for the whole week. A safe pair of hands.
Just know, after four days, he will need a haircut. You want that pressure?
You’d have the best first 24 hours, full of laughter and Moz doing what he can to keep your spirits up. Day two, it’s much the same but you’re getting a bit tired of his jokes. By day three, all hell has broken loose. Moz has insisted on singing CORONA to the tune of Tequila by the Champs and it’s just getting to you. Day four, you simply aren’t speaking to each other. Day five, Moz has broken the stalemate by dancing around the kitchen in his pants.
He’s got a tattoo kit and needs someone to practice on. You spend most of your time forgetting how tall he is before being shocked when he hits his head on the door frames. Constantly.
Actually, you wouldn’t be allowed near him. He’s like the boy in the bubble at the moment, surely?
Want a quiff? Joe knows and likely has the products for that. Need some new garms? Borrow his Balenciaga’s. He’s got a few pairs! A quiet and calm week, you’d come away with a new skincare regime and a new found appreciation for a multitude of hair products.
Stormed out on day two as you kept asking if he could Facetime Wes.
Day one? Fine. Day two? Joe Ralls has tackled you out of sheer frustration of being locked in.
A good laugh – you spent a lot of time practicing throw ins with apples – until he disappeared upstairs to practice backflips and came through the ceiling. Was incredibly apologetic but it ruined the living room ceiling and, rightly, you were annoyed.
You demand a 50/50 tackle contest for his Yeezy’s and you win every time. But he teaches you all he knows about beard sculpting and how to smell just as he does – incredible.
Would spend a lot of time dancing, even when there’s no music on. You’d think about being annoyed but as soon as he cracks a smile, you can’t help but smile too!
Sometimes maybe good, sometimes maybe shit.
On the first day, you suggested you model for the Dreamers Club. He laughed. By day five, you’ve shot A/W 20 and been on his podcast. He’s done that celebration with his hand 367 times.
You don’t see him much on day one but by day two you realise he’s around every corner, waiting to nutmeg you or push you over. By day four he’s lining you up as a wall and using apples to practice his freekicks. Day five he’s taken you for a drive in his Lambo.
Just make sure he doesn’t get hurt, I beg.
Day one he buys an exercise bike. Day two, he gets on it. Day five, he’s still on it. You’re getting tired just looking at him.
Fortnite, planning goal celebrations, and MD 20/20. 24/7. Class.