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Alternative Cardiff City End of Season Awards

Alternative Cardiff City End of Season Awards

End of year report 2017/18

The season’s been done and dusted for a few weeks now. We’ve had the official awards, and now it’s time for the unofficial. Cardiff City’s season veered between the sublime and the ridiculous. So let’s get right to it. Presenting, the View from the Ninian alternative end of season awards…

Award for most haircuts in a season

Neither left or right footed, but somehow both, Neil Etheridge loves nothing more than getting a haircut. Joe Ralls, in a chat with Soccer AM, revealed Cardiff’s number 1 gets it cut every four days. The season began on the 11th August and finished on the 12th May. That’s a grand total of 69 haircuts. Nice.

And he hasn’t now the season is over. He’s already taken inspiration from Joe Bennett and gone blonde for the summer. More haircuts than Lazarou on a pay-day Friday…

Award for commitment to gloves

Picture Vic. Lovely face. Great Mizuno boots, mate. Can you see his hands? No. Ever seen his hands unadorned? Well yes. But his commitment to gloves went beyond the ordinary. Beyond the first couple games of the season, and his last one against Palace, he’d often be seen sporting a set of Adidas gloves. Lovely gloves.

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The player who didn’t live up to his unveiling photo

On the strength of his ayatollah photo, Niasse would go down in the annals as a cult figure. A wide eyed, maniacal smile befitting of a footballer who veers between Messi and messy. Sadly, he didn’t live up to that photo. He was less maniacal, and more mechanical. Utter rubbish.

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The player who certainly lived up to his name

Niasse. Because he was ass.

Best fan I saw on the road

The Premier League is class because it gives you the chance to go to places like Burnley, Fulham, Newcastle, Tottenham (at Wembley). Grounds that Cardiff fans never get to see.

Turf Moor is a proper football club full of proper football fans. My favourite one was the lad right at the back of the home section who goaded us not with the usual, accepted methods. No. He stood up, wide-eyed, and did the sign of the cross over and over again as Burnley beat us 2-0. It was the most aggressively religious thing I have ever seen.

Side mention to Curtains at the Olympic Stadium. Don’t stand by the away fans if your hair is pure supercuts, mate.

Fashion Icon of the Season

Is it Victor’s Off-White shoes? Or Bruno’s buttoned up collars? Seany Moz’s flowery shirts? Aron Gunnarsson taking the plunge with SM_Creps?

No.

It’s me. Viral sensation Ben James. Who knew a Football Focus interview from Turf Moor would create such a sensation? Thanks to Guy Mowbray, who’s just a lovely man, and Dan Walker for the praise. Some might say I inspired him to wear a little floral number a few weeks later…

The Sol Bamba award for commitment to lies

Sol Bamba. Honestly, the man should be praised for showing up how awful the Premier League referees were this season. He took his shirt off. In front of the referee. And the referee didn’t see it. Unreal.

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The ‘most Neil Warnock moment of the season’

Neil Warnock against Chelsea. Tried to fight David Luiz. Tried to fight Sarri. Tried to fight Azpilicueta. Stared down the referee in such a withering manner. Then took half an hour to calm down before speaking to the press. Got fined anyway.

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See Also

Honourable mentions to his Brexit rant and telling Lineker to f*** off.

The best-worst refereeing decision of the season

It’s hard to pick, really. Was it the penalty against Watford? The penalty against Everton? The Mike Dean debacle at Burnley? No. It was the Chelsea game. Cesar two yards offside. Rudiger somehow avoiding a red card. It was an utter madness.

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The ‘wait, you’re still here award?’

Kadeem Harris and Loic Damour against Fulham. Kadeem Harris has been a Cardiff player for seven years. SEVEN. Did well in spurts this season. Damour on the other hand…

Most balls chased out of play

Harry Arter is committed to chasing anything. Like balls out play. He loves it.

The award for your ‘I’m yer new step da’

It’s big Callum Paterson, of course. Somehow, he is only 24 years old but he and your mother have been spending a wee bit of time together since yer da’ left and he’s been a great help around the house. You’re going to be seeing a fair bit more of him from now on and look, he just wants to be yer mate. You’re on the same side here, kiddo. You both just want what’s good for your mother.

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Best celly

Big Ken Zohore scoring a 93rd minute winner and then saying he was back. I love it.

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It’s not that far ahead of Joe Ralls celebrating the same goal and, to be honest, convincing the photographer that he had scored it. Look at the height. Look at the vigour.

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